


Sleepless

by Merula31



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Angst, Implied Lemons, Lack of Communication, Lime, M/M, Misunderstandings, POV Alternating, Preventers (Gundam Wing), Sappy, Spoilers, Suicide Attempt, Yaoi, but if you haven't seen the series by now - what's wrong with you???, but no action, well - not THAT kind
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-21
Updated: 2018-03-21
Packaged: 2019-04-06 06:18:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14050785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merula31/pseuds/Merula31
Summary: It started that first night that I got him out of the hospital. I don't know where he found the time between raiding my gundam for parts and fixing his, but he did. He slipped into my room, managing not to wake me up until he got into bed with me.





	1. Duo

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Dacia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [A Little Piece of Gundam Wing](https://fanlore.org/wiki/A_Little_Piece_Of_Gundam_Wing), which closed in 2017. With Merula's permission, I began manually importing her works to the AO3 as part of an Open Doors-approved project after July 2017.
> 
> Warnings: Duo uses some swear words- like you've never heard them before?

It started that first night that I got him out of the hospital. I don't know where he found the time between raiding my gundam for parts and fixing his, but he did. He slipped into my room, managing not to wake me up until he got into bed with me.  
  
It crossed my mind to protest at the time, but my mind wasn't the part of me in charge at that moment.  
  
I wasn't too surprised after I woke up and found that he had taken off- with the stolen parts from Deathscythe. Yep, completely fucked me over. I didn't really care too much. Was he that good? This is the Perfect Soldier we're talking about. Of course he was.  
  
The next time I ran into him was at that school. He wasn't thrilled to see me, but it wasn't like I was going to just say 'oops, that was your target? I'll be on my way then.' I had a job to do too, and I was going to do it.  
  
He ended up as my roommate- the two new kids stuck together. I didn't really mind and I don't think he did either. How do I know? Well, the first night, when he finally closed down that laptop, he came over to my bed where I was reading for the next day's English class and kissed the breath out of me. I still can't pick up a copy of 'Just So Stories' without a smile.  
  
Yeah, I know, he was using me. I was there, I was willing, and it was convenient. Yeah, maybe it was stupid of me, but it didn't matter. In a world where any day might be your last, you take what you can get.  
  
And he was so gentle. No one had ever touched me like that before. It was addicting. I couldn't believe it sometimes, how gentle he was with me. Of course, bed was the only place that he was gentle with me.  
  
Then she showed up at our school. I knew who she was- the Vice- minister's daughter was often in the news at that time though I hadn't recognized her on the docks. And she knew Heero. Seemed to have some kind of special understanding with him. She was nice to me, too, don't get me wrong. Relena may be naive and silly, but she's still a nice girl. It was hard to be jealous of her. She was really more his style in my opinion- never mind that he was pounding me into the mattress at night. I never thought we had anything more than an understanding of sorts. Nothing like he had with her.  
  
We left the school and I didn't see him for a while. Then I thought he was gone for good. I don't even want to remember that part. It sucked. Of course, I should've known better at the time. Nothing can stop the Perfect Soldier.  
  
Then I got captured. I still to this day don't understand why the hell my gundam didn't self-destruct. As far as I could tell that section of my ship had never been damaged. Not that I got a chance to examine it again. Poor Scythe.  
  
Heero came and saved me. I'm still a little surprised by that. I thought for sure he was going to kill me, but then, maybe he realized that would be a bit too cruel- even if I was just the guy he used occasionally. He was gentle then too, even though we weren't in bed. I must've looked bad. Then he was gone again.  
  
It took awhile, but we all met up again, that time right before the Libra battle. Heero and I ended up sharing a room on the Peacemillion- I think the other pilots were a bit wary of him. Or it could've been that Quatre and Trowa wanted a room to themselves and that Fei just preferred being alone. Once again, without us even talking about it- which is really odd when you think about how much I like to talk, he started sharing a bed with me again.  
  
Why didn't I ever say anything to him about it? I don't know. It just wasn't something we ever talked about. Not that our time in bed was quiet- I'm not a screamer, but let's face it, it's hard for me to be quiet at the best of times. Heero wasn't either, but he would lapse into Japanese- something I'm not fluent in and frankly, I could never figure out was he was saying. He could've been cursing me to hell for all I knew. I don't think so, since I had managed to pick up quite a few swear words from him, and those didn't sound like anything he whispered in my ear at night, but I could never guess exactly what he was saying.  
  
After the war was over, we joined the Preventers. We still had to go to school- the Preventers wanted us well educated, but the classes were advanced and it was only a matter of months before we had our diplomas and were working on our college credits. Heero and I were partners- I guess we had proved that we could work well together.  
  
We shared an apartment. He still came to my bed every night, unless a mission interfered. He never stayed until morning, he'd be there when I dozed off, but I always woke alone. It was something I never quite got used to, even in all that time. It made the incidents seem almost dreamlike sometimes. Like I was just fantasizing about him being there.  
  
I guess it was a bizarre relationship. During the day, we worked together, did our class work, bickered, discussed and argued a numerous amount of topics- all except one. He never held me, hugged me, or kissed me unless we were in bed. I touched him all the time- punches, arm over his shoulder, things like that, things that I did to the other guys too. What can I say? I'm a bit of a touchy-feely person I guess. But he never reciprocated, though he never shoved me off either.  
  
Why didn't I say anything then? Because by now I had figured out that if I did, the Perfect Soldier would end our relationship, friendship, what have you- and more than likely walk away without looking back. I loved him by that time, and I didn't even want to think about that possibility. I had his friendship during the day and his body at night. It was enough.  
  
One day, everything changed.  
  
It was a normal Friday morning in the Preventers office- everyone rushing around, trying to get cases wrapped up, started, solved, etc. It's always a little chaotic and I enjoy it. I was working on a report to wrap up our last case and Heero was starting the research for our new one. We were both typing away quietly in our shared office when someone tapped at the door. I looked up and smiled at the newcomer, Heero didn't stop.  
  
"Hey, Jay," I said to the Preventer in the doorway, "how can we help you?" Jay was one of the newbies, freshly recruited from college, a year or so older than Heero and I.  
  
"I was actually hoping you could help me, Duo," he smiled and walked over to my desk. I turned away from the computer and smiled back. Jay was a tall blond, with green eyes that always reminded me of Trowa's.  
  
"Sure thing, what can I do for you?" Jay glanced at Heero who was still typing away, and then back at me.  
  
"I was wondering if you'd like to have dinner with me tonight?" It was kind of rushed and he turned slightly red as he said it. That could mean only one thing.  
  
"I'm sorry, Jay, but I can't," I said as nicely as I could.  
  
"Oh," he turned redder. "I thought... uh.. the girls said you always turned them down so..."  
  
"It's not that," I assured him. Heero had by now stopped typing and was watching us. I couldn't read his expression. "You're a really great guy, Jay and I'm really flattered."  
  
"You're seeing someone else?" He asked.  
  
"Nah. Nothing like that. Just- no time. You understand?"  
  
"Got it," he smiled back. "Can we have coffee sometime? Just friends?"  
  
"That'd be great," I told him and after a few more minutes of small talk he wandered out of the office. I looked over at Heero to find him looking at me almost angrily.  
  
"What?" I asked him.  
  
"It's nothing." He replied and went back to his report. An hour or so later he asked me about a case detail and everything seemed fine. I thought whatever had been bugging him was gone.  
  
But that night he didn't come to my bed.  
  
I almost said something to him the next morning. He was at the table, with the newspaper same as he always was.  
  
"Toast," he told me as I wandered in, bleary from a night of no sleep, and went back to his paper. The words died on my tongue. I simply sat down at the table and started to read my half of the paper.  
  
He left after breakfast- had errands to run, he said. I tried to get some sleep, but I couldn't. I just ended up staring at the ceiling.  
  
He didn't show up the next night either, or the one after that, or the one after that. I found I couldn't sleep at all, no matter how tired I was. I don't know how I managed to get through the week.  
  
Thursday morning I was staring at my computer trying to read the report in front of me. It kept blurring in front of my eyes. My lack of sleep was truly catching up to me now, but my body just wouldn't let go. I would've put my head down on my desk and slept if I could, but it wasn't working. Heero had left yesterday on a bodyguard assignment for Relena. He had looked oddly at me before he left, but he didn't say anything about my appearance, just that he'd be back in a few days.  
  
Fei must've said my name several times before I heard him. His voice was downright worried by the time I looked up at him. He was leaning over my desk.  
  
"Maxwell! You look like death warmed over," he snapped when I focused on him.  
  
"Well, being Shinigami and all, that's kind of good then, huh?"  
  
"What the hell is wrong with you?"  
  
"Haven't been sleeping," I told him.  
  
"Nightmares?" He asked, his voice concerned.  
  
"No, just can't sleep."  
  
"At all?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
"When did you stop sleeping?" I had to think about that. When was the last time...?  
  
"Friday," I muttered.  
  
"Six nights?? No sleep at all?"  
  
"Don't think so," I told him. A minute later and I was being taken forcibly by the arm and down into Sally's office. Wufei was talking to her in a clipped, worried tone and I just kind of tuned them out. My pager beeped and I looked down at the number.  
  
"Crap," I said and got myself my feet. "Une wants to see me."  
  
"Duo, I need to look at you first," Sally protested.  
  
"I'll be right back, Sally, honest. Let me just go see what Une wants."  
  
I got to Lady Une's office, and thankfully adrenaline had started pumping in my veins. Une still kind of makes me nervous. Ah hell, she makes me very nervous. I still expect to look up and see Col. Une sitting on the other side of that desk.  
  
"Maxwell, I need you to run an errand for me," Une said the minute I stopped in her office. Then she looked up at me and blinked. "You look awful."  
  
"Haven't been sleeping well," I told her.  
  
"Duo," her voice softened. "Just do this one thing for me and then go home and get some sleep, okay?" Man, I must look awful.  
  
"Okay," I took the package she handed me. "Where does this go?"  
  
"The bank. Our safety deposit box. It's a valuable piece of jewelry that we needed as evidence. Legal says it needs to go to the bank." She rolled her eyes. I agreed with her. What place would be safer than Preventers HQ? "I called and told them you were coming down. Are you okay to drive?"  
  
"Sure," I had gotten to work all right after all.  
  
"Great Duo. Drop that off and then go home and rest. Take tomorrow off too if you still don't feel good."  
  
"Thank you Commander," I told her, leaving off the part that I doubted I'd be able to sleep ever again.  
  
I got down to the bank okay. They were expecting me, as Une had said. The clerk took me back to the box and I deposited the package as Une had requested. Easy, right?  
  
Wrong. I walked out of the vault and right into a holdup. And of course, I was wearing a Preventers uniform. It was like a big freaking target. The gunman immediately turned on me and the nice lady who had gone into the vault with me.  
  
I pulled out my gun, got in front of the clerk and fired back.  
  
The robber went down, I had managed a nice disabling arm wound. It wasn't until the clerk grabbed my shoulder and started to scream that I realized that I had been hit as well.  
  
Blackness curled around the edges of my vision and all I could think of was - at last, I'm getting some sleep....  
  
My eyelids felt heavy. Very, very heavy. I didn't want to open them. I was laying somewhere comfortable, I was warm and damnit I was still tired. I was NOT opening my eyes. But something was making it hard to sleep.  
  
"What did the doctors say?" That was Wufei's voice.  
  
"They got the bullets out okay- just a few stitches in his shoulder." Sally's voice.  
  
"Then why isn't he awake yet?" That was Relena. What was she doing here?  
  
"When I talked to him on this morning he said he hadn't slept for 6 days." Fei answered.  
  
"6 DAYS?!" Quatre sounded astonished. So was I actually. How had I managed not to sleep for 6 days? "Heero, what the hell was going on with him?" Oh, that's right. Now I remember why I couldn't sleep.  
  
"I don't know," Heero's voice was calm. "He didn't say anything to me."  
  
"You didn't notice? Yuy, he looked like shit!" Fei again. Heero didn't answer, Relena did:  
  
"Heero wouldn't notice unless Duo passed out right in front of him," she laughed. "Sorry darling, but you are kind of oblivious." Darling? Heero? My chest started to hurt. If he called her sweetie, I was going to hurl.  
  
"Still, he's been out for 8 hours," that was Trowa. "He should have woken up by now- even for a minute or two. Have the nurses logged anything?" Sound of pages being flipped.  
  
"Nothing. He's been out since they got him in here." Heero replied. "If he's missed 6 days worth of sleep, eight hours is not sufficient."  
  
"What would keep him from sleeping for 6 days?" Quatre fussed. "Nightmares? What?"  
  
"Even with nightmares, you'd still be sleeping. Unless you were trying not to. It didn't sound like he was trying not to." Wufei was pacing, I could hear his footsteps. "Damn it! I should've gone to Une when she paged him!"  
  
"Hindsight is always best," Sally soothed him. "I was ready to drug him when she called. The commander feels guilty enough- she says Duo promised that he'd go home and sleep- he didn't tell her how bad it was."  
  
"I'm sure he'll wake up soon," that was Relena again. "Visiting hours are almost up and we have reservations, Heero." I heard Trowa snort softly.  
  
"I know," Heero's voice. "Take your coat and we'll go." I heard them leave the room.  
  
"I didn't know that they were dating," Sally said.  
  
"For awhile I guess," I heard Quatre chuckle. "Though it's odd to hear anyone call Heero 'darling', isn't it?"  
  
"Still, that was kind of cold of him. I mean Duo's his friend and he's going out to dinner." Trowa observed.  
  
"Visiting hours are nearly up," Sally's voice was soft. "I told the nurses to call me when he wakes up. I'll make sure to call you two and Heero as well."  
  
I heard them leave the room, still talking softly.  
  
Heero and Relena. Awhile. All those body guarding trips- were they official business?  
  
I knew it. I had known all along that he was just using me, but it still hurt. It hurt a lot. I opened my eyes cautiously and glanced at the clock. 8 pm. God, I hated hospitals. I heard footsteps in the corridor and closed my eyes again. I didn't want anyone knowing I was awake. I didn't want Sally called. I didn't want to hear that she called Heero and he wasn't going to bother to come back to the hospital. After all- he had reservations.  
  
How could I work with him again, share an apartment with him? I couldn't even go to sleep without the man unless I was heavily drugged. What the hell would I do if he moved in with her?  
  
I lay in my hospital bed and wondered what the hell to do. There were a few options, but only one seemed right. Only one was going to solve my problems. Once I decided on it, my plans fell into place.  
  
I waited until it was way after midnight, about 2 am, and the nurse had just done her round. I unhooked myself from the machines, got out of bed, and found my clothes. My pants and jacket were okay, but my T-shirt was gone. They had probably cut it off me. The jacket had a new hole in the shoulder, but that wasn't a problem. I dressed quickly.  
  
I've snuck in and out of so many places in my life that getting out of the hospital was a cakewalk. The toughest part was yet to come.  
  
I got back to the apartment easily enough. My wallet had been with my things and the cab driver didn't even look twice at me. I just needed to get something out of the apartment without waking Heero. I snuck in as quietly as I could, using every bit of training I had.  
  
I shouldn't have bothered. He wasn't there.  
  
His bed was empty. My bed was empty. I knew where he was and what- or rather- who he was doing. It made my task easier I told myself. I stripped out of the ruined Preventers uniform and into my old war clothes. Black pants, shirt with the white collar, black cap. They still fit, just a bit tighter, which was almost funny. Guess I hadn't changed all that much. I brushed out my hair and redid the braid. Then I opened the box that I had hidden under a stack of shirts in my drawer and took out my gun. The same one I had shot Heero with all that time ago. I slipped it into it's pocket and grabbed my bike keys. I was ready.  
  
I thought about leaving a note, but then decided not to. They would figure out soon enough what I had done. There was nothing else to say. Heero and I had never talked about- whatever you would call what we did- there was no point in starting now.  
  
I was opening the front door when the phone started to ring. Curious, I went and checked the number. Sally. The nurses must've called her when they found me gone. My time was running out. I was back to the door by the time the machine kicked on. I left to the sound of Sally's voice ringing in our cold apartment:  
  
"Heero? If you're there pick up! Duo's gone!!"  
  
I took my bike out of the garage and headed out. I had a definite destination in mind. That made it easier. It was only a few hours away.  
  
It was tough to handle the bike. My shoulder ached, but the pain gave me something to focus on. Otherwise I might've just driven myself right off a cliff. That wasn't in my plan. I had to stop a few times to give my shoulder a rest and eat breakfast. Otherwise there was no way I could've made it to my destination.  
  
I got to the beach a little after noon. There were people on it. That was surprising. I had expected to have it to myself. Ah well. I found a place out on the sides, sitting in the rocks. No one paid me any mind. I was too far away from that strip of sand where I had picked Heero up and told him that I was the best friend he had at that moment. Kids were playing there now, running around and laughing. I watched them for a bit before I turned my attention to the ocean.  
  
That was one of the things I loved about the Earth. All that water, visible from space, all that blue. I wasn't a great swimmer, but I still loved it. I sat and watched the waves crashing over the rocks, admiring the sheer elemental power of it. I could hear the kids laughing off to the side, the noise mixing with the crash of the waves. I pulled my knees up against my chest and put my chin on them.  
  
I wanted to sleep. But I couldn't. There was only one way I was ever going to sleep again, and I couldn't do it with the kids watching. I didn't want to give them nightmares. I could wait. So I waited and watched the ocean pound against the rocks.  
  
I was still sleep-deprived. That's my only excuse. I had forgotten that I had left my motorcycle up in the parking lot for the beach. And, it was rather distinctive. Black and grey like my gundam had been, a silver scythe painted on the gas tank. Quatre had teased me about it, Heero had called it silly. But after having to give up Deathscythe himself I needed something to remind me of him.  
  
I had been sitting watching the ocean for a few hours when someone joined me. I didn't notice him at first, I was too caught up in the waves. I didn't notice him until he sat down next to me.  
  
"Duo." I blinked and looked over to my right. Heero was sitting next to me on the rocks, in his Preventers uniform.  
  
"Heero- what are you doing here?"  
  
"Looking for you," he replied calmly.  
  
"Well, you found me, so go away."  
  
"You weren't supposed to leave the hospital."  
  
"So?"  
  
"You worried the others." But not you, I almost said.  
  
"So?" I heard him sigh.  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
"Waiting for that family to leave," I answered honestly enough.  
  
"Well, it looks like they're going." I looked over. The family was packing up to go.  
  
"Good. You leave too."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because I'm asking you to, Heero. Go away." He didn't move. "Damn it Heero! I have never asked you for anything! The least you can do is go away when I ask!"  
  
"And have you done something for me in return? Do I owe you?" I sat upright. How dare he!  
  
"I've let you use me, Heero. You've used me without a thought, taking what you wanted and I never said anything about it! I just let you do it."  
  
"You didn't want it?" He was looking at me, his eyes cold and hard. "You didn't enjoy it?" I stared at him for a moment.  
  
"You're right. I did want it. Guess that makes me just another L2 whore." Heero's expression didn't change.  
  
"And now you want your payment?" That hurt. Oh god, did that hurt. It was if he had punched me. I turned away from him, facing the ocean.  
  
"Sure, if you want to think of it like that. Go away Heero. Leave me alone." I managed. I was not going to cry in front of this cold-hearted bastard.  
  
"No."  
  
"Fine." I got to my feet and scrambled down off the rocks, heading for that small strip of beach. I didn't look to see if he was following or not. I reached my destination and yanked the gun out of it's pocket. I checked the clip and took off the safety.  
  
"What are you doing?" Heero had followed me. I pulled the hammer back on the gun and placed it against my temple. I didn't bother to answer. He was a smart boy, he'd figure it out. Heero stepped in front of me, his own gun in his hands. He mirrored my position, gun against his temple, eyes staring into mine.  
  
"What are you doing?" I asked him.  
  
"If you go, I go." He was perfectly serious. Oh hell!  
  
"Heero, please. You don't have any reason to do this." I tried being reasonable.  
  
"And you do?" That sarcastic tone again. Screw reasonable.  
  
"Yes, damn it!" I snapped at him.  
  
"Then so do I."  
  
"YUY! WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON DOWN THERE?!?" That was Fei's voice yelling at us from the cliff tops.  
  
"You brought the others?"  
  
"Like they'd stay behind."  
  
"Duo!! Heero!!" Quatre was yelling now.  
  
"Oh, good lord." I lowered the gun cautiously. Heero lowered his as well.  
  
Sucker.  
  
I kicked at him, knocking the gun out of his hand and rocking him backwards. I reached down to grab his gun and suddenly, his hand was over mine, squeezing hard. I kicked out again, but lost my grip on his gun. He took it from me and tossed it out over the sand. Then we were wrestling over mine.  
  
I may be fast, but I'm not strong. Not as strong as Heero is, anyway. He got the gun out of my hands and tossed it away too. I lunged for his throat. If I could just knock him out, I'd have a good chance.  
  
He had the same idea, unfortunately. We ended up rolling down towards the water a ways before he managed to pin me. One hand held my wrists over my head, the other was at my throat. My injured shoulder was screaming with pain. Heero was straddling me, knees pressed tightly against my sides.  
  
"Let me go, damn you!" I yelled at him.  
  
"No," again calm and cool, "I will not." I heard running footsteps on the sand, the others had come down.  
  
"Heero?" Trowa said cautiously.  
  
"Trowa. Find the guns. Keep them away from Duo."  
  
"You bastard!" I hissed at him. I tried to buck free, but it was like struggling against a stone.  
  
"Duo? Are you okay?" I heard Quatre's voice.  
  
"I'm fine! Get off me Heero! Or I will kill you, I swear to God."  
  
"You are sleep-deprived and irrational," Heero informed me calmly, "as well as injured. I'm not getting off of you until Sally sedates you." I twisted my head to the side. Sally was kneeling a little distance away, pulling things out of her med bag.  
  
"No!" I protested.  
  
"Yes," he countered. Sally was beside us now. Heero shifted his hand off my throat and moved it towards my wrists. He pulled one of my arms down so that Sally could get at the vein. He leaned flat against me and I found I couldn't move at all. Damn he was strong. I felt the needle prick my skin.  
  
"There Duo," Sally said softly. "Just sleep."  
  
"That's what I was trying to do!" I yelled at her. "Why didn't you all just leave me alone?" The meds were making my vision blur. They were blurring out, going away, leaving me alone. "I'm always alone. I always wake up alone." I managed.  
  
I passed out cold.  
  
I awoke for the second time someplace warm and soft. This time I opened my eyes and blinked them, trying to get the ceiling to come into focus. I realized that it was my ceiling. I was in my bed. I sat up and immediately laid back down again. My head was spinning.  
  
"You're awake," a familiar cold voice noted. I turned my head. Heero was sitting in a chair next to my bed, an open book turned over on the armrest.  
  
"Damn you, Yuy," I growled at him and tried to roll on my side. Oops- bad shoulder.  
  
"You've been asleep for 14 hours. You should be over most of the sleep-deprivation. How is your shoulder?"  
  
"It hurts," I muttered.  
  
"Hn." He leaned forward and slid an arm around my shoulders, lifting me up. He handed me a pain pill and a glass of water.  
  
"Thanks," I said, rather ungratefully. Heero sat back down in his chair and picked up his book. "You don't have to stay here," I told him.  
  
"Yes, I do." He replied. "You were very upset about being left alone. I told Sally I'd make sure to stay with you." He put the book down. "Not to mention the whole running off to shoot yourself thing. That made everyone nervous." I flushed slightly.  
  
"Aren't you supposed to be body guarding Relena somewhere? Why are you here?"  
  
"Wufei took over for me."  
  
"Why not just let Wufei stay here so you could go?" I closed my eyes. "Relena is not going to be happy about the change."  
  
"So what?"  
  
"Well Heero-darling, I think she'd prefer to have her lover with her than some angry Chinese man who carries a huge sword." Heero moved then, quickly, leaning down over me in the bed.  
  
"She's not my lover."  
  
"It's okay Heero." I gave into impulse and reached up to touch his cheek. "I've always known how you felt about her."  
  
"How I felt about her?" He repeated. "Is that why you never talked about- us?"  
  
"Us?" I was feeling very groggy from the pill. "What us? You love Relena. You fuck me. Just using what's available."  
  
"Is that how you feel about it?" He asked, eyes narrowing.  
  
"That's how you feel about it," I yawned. Damn the pill was making me sleepy again.  
  
"No, it isn't." His tone made me open my eyes. "How do you feel about it Duo?"  
  
"I love you. I'll take whatever you give me." I replied honestly, which made me blush later just thinking about it. Stupid pills.  
  
To my surprise, he slipped into the bed next to me, pulling my head down on his shoulder.  
  
"I feel the same, Duo," he murmured in my ear. "I always have." I looked up at him, trying to fight off the effect of the pill. He just smiled. "Sleep. I promise I'll be here when you wake up."  
  
And he was.


	2. Heero

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be a sequel to Sleepless. It's not. Heero wanted to tell his half of the story, so he did. In the great forest of life, all I have to offer is the sap- and some angst.

It started that first night that Duo got me out of the hospital. I don't want to say that I felt grateful, or that I was feeling guilty because I had already stolen the parts off of his gundam. It wasn't that. It was the fact that I honestly didn't think I was going to live long enough to see him again. And I didn't want to die without knowing what it was like- correction- what he was like.  
  
He was amazing.  
  
I couldn't believe it when he showed up at that school a few weeks later. I thought for sure he'd be furious with me for stealing the parts off of Scythe, but he wasn't. He smiled and started talking my ear off as usual. No recriminations, no anger, nothing like that.  
  
He ended up as my roommate- something I will be ever grateful to that school for. I wasn't going to start anything again, and I was kind of surprised that he hadn't said anything about it- I mean, Duo talks about everything! But I looked over at him on the bed, chuckling over 'Just So Stories' and I couldn't help but want to kiss him. So I did. One thing led to another and it wasn't too long before I had him tumbled down into the blankets. After that I always shared his bed.  
  
I was confused though. He was willing enough to share his bed with me, but again, he never said anything about it. I didn't know how to bring it up to him; I just kept hoping that he would say something. He was the one that knew how to talk. But he never said anything. He would welcome me eagerly enough, but I always slipped out of his bed after he fell asleep. I didn't want to presume more than he was willing to give me. I figured that it was because we were in the middle of a war and told myself that I should be grateful for his good sense in this matter.  
  
Then we had to leave the school, and I figured once again this was it; I was never going to see him again. I was surprised by how much that thought hurt. I realized then how much I had come to care for the braided fool.  
  
He was the last thing I thought of when I hit that self-destruct button. Why? Because I had disabled his, you see. I couldn't bear the thought of him doing what I did so easily. Duo shouldn't die.  
  
He nearly did though, when OZ captured him. I had to go save him; there wasn't even a question in my mind. He looked awful when I found him in that cell, and once again I had no words to offer him. He was under the impression that I had come to kill him. I didn't know what to say to that, so I just got him the hell out of there.  
  
Then I didn't see him for a long time. I was happy to see that he was still in one piece when I got to the Peacemillion. We shared a room. He was the only one I felt comfortable around, the only one I trusted near me enough to sleep. Luckily for me, he was willing to share his room and bed with me. I still wondered why he never said anything about what we did- though again, I blamed it on the war. It was silly to make promises when we all might die.  
  
Not that it ever stopped me. In bed I would whisper to him in Japanese, knowing full well that he didn't understand a word I was saying. It was easy to tell him how beautiful he was, how sexy, how much I loved him when he didn't know what I was telling him. I wanted to say it in English, but I was afraid that I was reading too much into our relationship. Duo seemed contented with just being friends that shared a bed, and so I made myself be content with it too. I would've done anything for him by then.  
  
After the war we moved in together. We went to school together, did homework together, worked at the Preventers together. Duo was affectionate with me, but no more so than he was with anyone else. I wanted to ask for more, but I thought he was happy with the way things were. I thought I was willing to settle for what he was willing to give me.  
  
I was wrong.  
  
One Friday as I was doing research for a case, a fellow Preventer came into our office. I ignored him- Duo was the one who did all of the talking in our partnership, let's face it- he was way better at it than I was. I listened as I worked though, knowing that if it was case-related, I needed to pay attention.  
  
I nearly pulled my gun out when I realized that the guy was asking Duo for a date! Duo turned him down before I could react, but then he said something that cut me to the heart:  
  
"You're seeing someone else?" The guy asked.  
  
"Nah. Nothing like that." Duo replied easily.  
  
I don't know what I had expected- Duo to claim that yes he was seeing someone? I knew what we did wasn't considered 'dating', but shouldn't it count for something? But no, Duo said he had 'nothing like that'. Was what we did nothing? Was Duo just waiting until something better showed up?  
  
Was I nothing to him?  
  
That night I found that I couldn't go to his bed. I wanted to, but something- pride? fear? anger? wouldn't let me. If he wanted me then he'd come to my bed.  
  
I spent a long lonely night huddled under my blankets.  
  
I didn't get any sleep that night. The next morning I grabbed the newspaper practically the minute it hit our door and sat down at the table. Duo would say something to me this morning, wouldn't he? He had to!  
  
He didn't. He came into the kitchen and ate his toast. I handed him his part of the paper and as the silence stretched between us, I realized that he wasn't going to say anything. I really didn't matter to him at all.  
  
I couldn't do it. I couldn't sit there with him across the table from me. I couldn't even look at him. I muttered something about having errands to run and got the hell out of there. I drove aimlessly for hours.  
  
I needed to face the truth. Duo didn't care about me.  
  
Days passed. I kept hoping that he'd say something, anything! That he'd show up in my room at night. He never said anything- Duo who could talk about trivial crap for hours! He never came to my bed. I slept a few hours every night, but most of the time I just lay there, staring at my ceiling in the dark and wishing that Duo would talk to me. I came so very close to just getting up and going to him several times, but I found that I couldn't pull myself out of bed. What if he was relieved I was gone? What if he just threw me out? What if he just took me back and said nothing about it?  
  
So, I lay in my cold bed and missed Duo's warmth. Missed the touch of his hands. Missed the silk of his hair against my skin. Missed the sounds that he made when I caressed him. Missed the way that he clung to me when he fell asleep. I was nearly insane with longing for him.  
  
On Wednesday, Une handed me a body guarding assignment for Relena. Of course the silly girl had asked for me- again. I was relieved to get away from Duo for a while. I went to tell him that I'd be back on Friday night. Relena required 24-hour coverage at these silly meetings. He just kind of nodded at me, and I was struck for a moment by how tired he looked.  
  
Maybe- he was losing sleep too?  
  
No. I was seeing things that I wanted to see. If Duo did miss me, he would've said something by now.  
  
The body-guarding mission was as boring as hell, like it always was. I followed Relena around to all her stupid meetings. Thursday was dragging by when I got an urgent message to call Une. Relena was eating a late breakfast with some politicians, so I stepped out for a moment and called in. I nearly dropped the phone when Une told me the news in a shaky voice.  
  
Duo was in the hospital. He'd been shot.  
  
My heart stopped. Oh gods. I should've been with him. I was his partner, damn it! I don't really remember what happened after that, all I can recall is a steady stream of complaint from Relena. I apparently dragged her out of her meeting and to the hospital. I should've just called in another Preventer to watch her, but that would've taken too long. I also remember her scolding me about my driving, but I didn't listen to that either. I guess I was speeding. I don't really remember.  
  
Relena and I were the last ones to get to the hospital. Fei, Quatre and Trowa were already in the waiting room. Fei was pacing, Trowa was leaning against the wall and Quatre was sitting, his chin resting on his hands.  
  
"No news yet," Quatre told me as I walked into the room. I turned to Relena.  
  
"I'll have Une send someone else over. I need to stay here."  
  
"I'll stay here too," she told me with an impish smile. "I don't really want to go back to that meeting, and the one tonight will be even longer." She went and took the seat next to Quatre. I just leaned against the wall next to Trowa and stared at the ugly picture on the opposite wall. I was focused only on Duo. If he died... what was I going to do? It had been bad enough when I couldn't share his bed, but if I couldn't share his life? I had to close my eyes at that thought. He would be okay. He had to be okay.  
  
It was hours before someone came in and told us that the doctors were finished with Duo and we could go see him. I think the poor nurse was going to tell us one at a time, but we never let her get that part out. Fei swept past her quickly and we all followed.  
  
Sally was in Duo's room when we got there. "What did the doctors say?" Fei asked her.  
  
"They got the bullets out okay- just a few stitches in his shoulder." She told him calmly. I breathed a sigh of relief. Duo looked so pale against the sheets of his bed. I wanted to go sit next to him, hold his hand, and wait for him to wake up.  
  
"Then why isn't he awake yet?" Damn, Relena, can't forget her. Idiot girl, of course he's not going to be awake yet. They sedated him!  
  
"When I talked to him this morning he said he hadn't slept for 6 days." Fei answered her.  
  
Duo hadn't slept for six days? Why not?  
  
"6 DAYS?!" Quatre looked at Wufei in shock before he turned to me. "Heero, what the hell was going on with him?" As if I knew! Duo hadn't said anything to me and I had been too busy ignoring him. I felt guilty.  
  
"I don't know," I told Quatre as calmly as I could. "He didn't say anything to me."  
  
"You didn't notice? Yuy, he looked like shit!" Chang snapped at me. I didn't want to tell him that I hadn't been looking.  
  
"Heero wouldn't notice unless Duo passed out right in front of him," Relena laughed and I felt guiltier. "Sorry darling, but you are kind of oblivious." Darling? How dare she! I was not her darling. If she called me sweetie, I was going to kill her.  
  
"Still, he's been out for 8 hours," Trowa said. "He should have woken up by now- even for a minute or two. Have the nurses logged anything?" I picked up Duo's chart.  
  
"Nothing. He's been out since they got him in here." I told him. "If he's missed 6 days worth of sleep, eight hours is not sufficient." Damn Duo, I should've noticed. I should've said something. I should've been there with you. What kind of partner was I?  
  
"What would keep him from sleeping for 6 days?" Quatre fussed. "Nightmares? What?"  
  
Six days... it was amazing Duo hadn't collapsed before this. Then it hit me. I was an idiot!  
  
Six days ago I had stopped sharing Duo's bed. He hadn't slept since. Oh gods. I looked at the still figure on the bed. This was my fault. I felt even more guilty, even as deep inside a small hope flicked to life. Duo hadn't been able to sleep without me. I had to mean something to him then, didn't I?  
  
"Even with nightmares, you'd still be sleeping. Unless you were trying not to. It didn't sound like he was trying not to." Wufei was pacing, back and forth. "Damn it! I should've gone to Une when she paged him!"  
  
If that was the only regret Wufei had, I was way ahead of him. I could think of so many 'should'ves' that it made me dizzy. Should've talked to him. Should've stayed with him. Should've said something. Should've noticed how bad he looked. Should've said no to Une. Should've...  
  
"Hindsight is always best," Sally soothed him, and inadvertently, me. "I was ready to drug him when she called. The commander feels guilty enough- she says Duo promised that he'd go home and sleep- he didn't tell her how bad it was."  
  
He was going to tell me though. We were going to have a little talk when he woke up.  
  
"I'm sure he'll wake up soon," Relena piped up and I wished I had left her back at the meeting. "Visiting hours are almost up and we have reservations, Heero."  
  
Damn it. She did have a very important political dinner she had to attend and a very important meeting afterwards. I told myself that Duo would sleep through the night and I couldn't talk to him until morning anyways. By that time, Une would have a replacement for me and I would be free to sit at Duo's bedside all I wanted.  
  
He and I were long overdue for that talk.  
  
"I know," I told her. "Take your coat and we'll go."  
  
I took Relena back to the embassy and stood behind her during the very long dinner. How many courses did you really need to have? I was fretting and impatient. I had called Une and asked for her to find a replacement for me as soon as she could.  
  
I ran scenario after scenario in my head, planning out different ways to approach Duo. We needed to talk. I needed to know how he felt about me. Was I just a friend with benefits? But if that was the case why wouldn't he have just told me that he couldn't sleep alone and asked me to join him again?  
  
That didn't make sense either. I was always there when he fell asleep and I always snuck out an hour or two before he woke up. He never woke up when I left. I knew he could sleep without me. Hell, when I had been off on solo missions he had to sleep alone. So had I. I had never liked it, but I had been able to. He had never complained of being tired.  
  
So it had to be something else that was keeping him from sleeping. I could only hope it was what I thought it was.  
  
The long boring dinner ended and the meeting began. I tuned it out early on. I propped myself up against a wall and waited. One thing I had learned about politicians when body-guarding Relena is that they could talk for hours- and usually did. They didn't give a damn about the time when they had an issue on their own agenda to discuss. It was getting more early than late when my cell phone rang.  
  
I went out into the hall to answer it. Had Duo woken up?  
  
"Heero? Where the hell are you?"  
  
"Sally. Relena's still in a meeting. Is Duo awake?"  
  
"He's gone. He snuck out of the hospital." My heart stopped.  
  
"What?! Did you check the apartment?"  
  
"Fei's on his way there now."  
  
"Tell Une to send someone to cover Relena- now." Sally put me on hold for a second.  
  
"Done. She says to leave now- she's cleared a member of the embassy staff to watch Relena until Zechs can get there."  
  
"Okay. I'll meet Fei at the apartment." I went back in the meeting and whispered to Relena that I had to go- there was a problem. I didn't wait to hear her response.  
  
I drove as fast as I could back to the apartment. Fei had beaten me there by a few minutes. He was pacing the parking lot.  
  
"Duo's bike's gone," he told me.  
  
"APB?  
  
"Sally's on it." I ran up the stairs.  
  
"We'll have to see if he left anything."  
  
No note. His duffels were there. His bike keys were gone. The top drawer of his dresser was open. I swallowed hard- I knew what Duo kept in that drawer. Sure enough- the box was empty. Shit. What the hell was he thinking?  
  
Please don't let him be thinking about using it!  
  
"He took his gun," I told Fei, who was on the phone with Sally again.  
  
"Where would he go?" Chang asked me.  
  
"I don't know. Call Hilde, Howard... everyone else is in the Preventers." I didn't think Duo would go to one of the others though- he would've taken clothes with him. He only took his gun. I could feel the fear creeping along my nerves and I locked it down. We needed to find Duo.  
  
"Okay. Une wants us in at HQ. She's put out the APB on the bike and Sally is calling Hilde and Howard." Wufei pulled me out of the apartment.  
  
It was a tense group at HQ.  
  
"Why would he run off?" Quatre demanded for the fifth time in an hour. Could he not ask a different question?  
  
"He was sleep-deprived- he's more than likely not thinking clearly," Sally told him again. She was patient. I was ready to slap Quatre through the wall. My patience was gone. Duo was in danger and we needed to be doing more than speculating on the 'whys'.  
  
"There had to be a reason!" Quatre again.  
  
"There was a reason," I snapped, beyond tired of the conversation. Couldn't they do something constructive? I at least was monitoring the police bands, listening to see if anyone had spotted the bike. Every eye in the room was on me.  
  
"You know why he ran off?" Trowa was the first to find his voice.  
  
"The why isn't important. He took his gun. He took no clothes, no personal items of any kind." I pointed out. Before I could say more, the radio crackled in my ear. I recognized the description of the location where they found the bike.  
  
Why there?  
  
I ran down the stairs, the others a step behind me. I jumped into my car, not paying attention as the others piled in as well.  
  
"You have your med bag?" I asked Sally.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Good."  
  
I thought I had been driving like a bat out of hell on the way to the hospital. I don't know how many accidents I was almost in, how many laws I broke heading towards that beach. I was focused on one thing- getting to Duo as fast as possible.  
  
The others tried to talk to me, but I just ignored them. They gave up eventually. I don't know how long it took before I saw the parking lot and the familiar grey and black bike.  
  
I didn't bother to park the car properly. I just stopped it.  
  
"Stay!" I snapped at the others and in no time at all I was out of the car and heading down to the beach.  
  
Duo was sitting on the rocks, looking out at the water. There was a family a little ways away, the kids building sand castles.  
  
He was alive.  
  
I went to sit beside him and everything I meant to say to him wouldn't come out. I was so happy to see him, and yet, kind of angry too. He had scared the crap out of me. All I could manage was his name:  
  
"Duo." He blinked and looked over at me. He didn't look surprised.  
  
"Heero- what are you doing here?" He asked.  
  
"Looking for you," I replied calmly.  
  
"Well, you found me, so go away." Go away? No. I was never leaving him again; I didn't care what he said.  
  
"You weren't supposed to leave the hospital." I told him, trying to get him to talk to me.  
  
"So?" Okay, not helpful.  
  
"You worried the others." And me, I almost said.  
  
"So?" Still not helpful. I sighed. Another tactic then.  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
"Waiting for that family to leave," he told me. I looked over, the family was packing their things.  
  
"Well, it looks like they're going."  
  
"Good. You leave too."  
  
"Why?" I asked, even though I had no intention of going.  
  
"Because I'm asking you to, Heero. Go away." I didn't move. I was not going to leave him. "Damn it Heero! I have never asked you for anything! The least you can do is go away when I ask!" For some reason, that comment stirred up the angry-with-Duo part of me. He had never asked me for anything- that was the problem!  
  
"And have you done something for me in return? Do I owe you?" I asked him cuttingly. His answer left me winded.  
  
"I've let you use me, Heero. You've used me without a thought, taking what you wanted and I never said anything about it! I just let you do it." Use him? Was that how he saw it? I felt cold. Was that all it was to him?  
  
"You didn't want it?" I asked in disbelief. "You didn't enjoy it?" He looked at me for a moment.  
  
"You're right. I did want it. Guess that makes me just another L2 whore." That did it. Now I was angry. How dare he degrade what we had like this?  
  
"And now you want your payment?" I snapped at him. He turned away from me, facing the ocean.  
  
"Sure, if you want to think of it like that. Go away Heero. Leave me alone." I could hear the tears in his voice and I cursed myself. I was no good at this. How could I show him how much he meant to me?  
  
"No." I told him.  
  
"Fine." He got to my feet and scrambled down off the rocks, heading for that small strip of beach. I followed him. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the gun.  
  
"What are you doing?" Stupid question. I knew what he was doing!  
  
He pulled the hammer back on the gun and placed it against his temple. Well, if this was what he wanted, then he wasn't going alone. I pulled out my own gun and stepped in front of him, mimicking his position.  
  
"What are you doing?" He asked me, eyes wide.  
  
"If you go, I go." I told him.  
  
"Heero, please. You don't have any reason to do this." There was only one answer to that:  
  
"And you do?"  
  
"Yes, damn it!" He snapped at me.  
  
"Then so do I."  
  
"YUY! WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON DOWN THERE?!?" That was Fei's voice yelling at us from the cliff tops. I saw Duo flinch a little.  
  
"You brought the others?"  
  
"Like they'd stay behind."  
  
"Duo!! Heero!!" Quatre was yelling now.  
  
"Oh, good lord." He lowered the gun and I followed suit.  
  
Idiot.  
  
He kicked at me, and I knew what he was up to. I grabbed the gun out of his hand and tossed it away, but that just encouraged him to try for mine.  
  
He may be fast, but I'm stronger. I got control of that gun and tossed it away too. I half expected him to try and go after it, but instead he went for my throat, trying to knock me out.  
  
It didn't work. He wasn't in top shape and I was able to pin him down. I held his wrists above his head, knowing that I was putting pressure on his injured shoulder, but not wanting to fight with him anymore. This wasn't accomplishing anything.  
  
"Let me go, damn you!" He yelled at me.  
  
"No, I will not." I told him. I heard running footsteps on the sand, the others had come down.  
  
"Heero?" Trowa said cautiously.  
  
"Trowa. Find the guns. Keep them away from Duo." I ordered.  
  
"You bastard!" Duo was trying to push me off and not succeeding in the slightest. I was not going to let him go and I hoped he'd realize it soon.  
  
"Duo? Are you okay?" Quatre asked him.  
  
"I'm fine! Get off me Heero! Or I will kill you, I swear to God."  
  
"You are sleep-deprived and irrational," I told him, "as well as injured. I'm not getting off of you until Sally sedates you." Sally was already opening her bag.  
  
"No!" He protested.  
  
"Yes," I countered. I pulled one of Duo's arms out and lay flat against him so that he couldn't move. I was taking no chances. Shinigami has always been crafty.  
  
"There Duo," Sally said softly as she pushed the needle in. "Just sleep."  
  
"That's what I was trying to do!" He yelled at her. "Why didn't you all just leave me alone? I'm always alone. I always wake up alone." He ended in a whisper before he passed out cold.  
  
I got to my feet and picked him up in my arms.  
  
"I'm taking him home." I told Sally flatly. "He needs someone to watch him."  
  
"I agree," she nodded. "But we can't leave him alone for a minute, Heero. It might be better if we took turns. We can set up a schedule to make it easier."  
  
"No," I told her. "At least, not for awhile. He and I- need to talk. I need to be there when he wakes up again."  
  
They took us home. I just cuddled Duo to me the entire ride home, ignoring the curious gazes of my friends. To my relief, they didn't say anything to me. I was able to doze off a bit in the car with Duo's warmth pressed against me. I had missed it so badly.  
  
Quatre and Trowa helped me get Duo into the apartment and into his bed. Trowa dragged our big chair in from the front room for me.  
  
"Are you sure you'll be all right Heero?" Quatre asked me. "You look like you could use some sleep too."  
  
"I'm fine. I have a full pot of coffee and a book. Don't worry."  
  
"Okay," to my surprise, Quatre gave me a quick hug. "Call if you need us. Good luck."  
  
Then it was just Duo and I. I sat in the armchair and just watched him sleep for a while. I noted the bedraggled state of his braid, so I undid it and brushed it out for him, leaving it loose when I finished.  
  
I wanted to curl up in bed next to him, but I was not getting into Duo's bed until I was sure he wanted me there. His words from the beach haunted me. He thought I was using him all this time? Gods that hurt. Here I thought he had been using me all this time. How did we ever get this far without saying anything?  
  
It hurt to even think about for very long, so I picked up my book and tried to lose myself in it's pages. A few hours later, Duo sat up- and promptly lay back down again.  
  
"You're awake," I said, placing my book down on the armrest. He turned to look at me.  
  
"Damn you, Yuy," He growled and tried to roll over on his side. He had forgotten his shoulder. I saw him wince.  
  
"You've been asleep for 14 hours. You should be over most of the sleep-deprivation." I informed him. "How is your shoulder?"  
  
"It hurts," He muttered like a sulky child.  
  
"Hn." I leaned forward to help him up and offered him a pain pill. I knew it would knock him out again, and I also knew that when Duo looked like this, it was not a good time to try and talk to him.  
  
"Thanks," he said, and I picked up my book, intent on giving him some space. "You don't have to stay here," he added.  
  
"Yes, I do." I replied, not moving. "You were very upset about being left alone. I told Sally I'd make sure to stay with you." I put the book down and met his eyes. "Not to mention the whole running off to shoot yourself thing. That made everyone nervous." He actually blushed a bit. Good.  
  
"Aren't you supposed to be body guarding Relena somewhere? Why are you here?" Were his next questions. Well, talkative Duo was back. That was a good sign.  
  
"Wufei took over for me." I told him. I didn't need to mention the threats Une had resorted to in order to get him to do so.  
  
"Why not just let Wufei stay here so you could go?" He closed his eyes. "Relena is not going to be happy about the change." Like I cared.  
  
"So what?"  
  
"Well Heero-darling, I think she'd prefer to have her lover with her than some angry Chinese man who carries a huge sword." What? What the hell was he thinking now? I leaned over the bed and met his eyes again.  
  
"She's not my lover."  
  
"It's okay Heero." He reached up to touch my cheek. "I've always known how you felt about her."  
  
"How I felt about her?" I repeated. Had he thought I was in love with Relena all this time? "Is that why you never talked about- us?"  
  
"Us?" He blinked, the pill was kicking in. "What us? You love Relena. You fuck me. Just using what's available." I swore silently. Damn it! I had been such an idiot! Was that how he felt about me? Was I just available?  
  
"Is that how you feel about it?" I asked him.  
  
"That's how you feel about it," He yawned.  
  
"No, it isn't." I snapped out before I could help it. "How do you feel about it Duo?"  
  
"I love you. I'll take whatever you give me."  
  
Thank the gods. I have never felt so relieved in my life.  
  
I slipped into the bed next to Duo, pulling his head down on my shoulder.  
  
"I feel the same, Duo," I confessed. "I always have." He blinked, obviously struggling against sleep. He was beautiful. I smiled at him. "Sleep. I promise I'll be here when you wake up." He drifted off, his arms wrapped tight around me. I fell asleep too, my arms wrapped tight around him as well.  
  
I woke up, hours later, to the feeling of fingers caressing my cheek. I opened my eyes and found Duo looking back at me.  
  
"You stayed..." he said softly.  
  
"I always wanted to," I replied, just as softly.  
  
"Then why didn't you?"  
  
"Because I was an idiot." I told him, brushing his bangs out of his face. "I thought that because you didn't talk about what we did that you were happy with the way things were."  
  
"I wasn't," he leaned closer to me.  
  
"I wasn't either," I kissed his cheek gently.  
  
"Why did you stop? What did I do?"  
  
"You told that guy that asked you out that you had 'nothing' that was stopping you from dating, just no time. I felt like you meant that I was 'nothing'." Duo's eyes were wide. "So I thought maybe if I stopped, you'd come to me, or we'd at least talk about it..."  
  
"You didn't say anything!"  
  
"Neither did you!" I retorted. Before it could escalate into an argument, I pulled him closer. "Duo - you're the talker- not me! I couldn't think of how to even start this conversation and I- was afraid."  
  
"Afraid I was tired of you? Afraid that I didn't care?"  
  
"Yes." He groaned.  
  
"Me too. We were both idiots." We cuddled together for a moment, silent. "You aren't nothing to me, Heero."  
  
"And I wasn't just using you, Duo. I love you. I thought that was all I was going to get from you." He kissed me then, deep and slow.  
  
"I love you too."  
  
"Even if I'm an idiot?"  
  
"No more than I was." Duo put his head down on my shoulder and yawned.  
  
"You can't still be tired?" I asked him, amused.  
  
"Hey, I missed a week of sleep thanks to you. The least you could do is be a good pillow."  
  
"Before I let you do that, I need to feed you. And I should probably call the others before they come storming over here to check on you." He groaned but rolled himself out of bed. I made sure he could stand on his own before I went to the kitchen. Duo caught me at the door.  
  
"I expect to get my pillow back afterwards," he told me. "I'm tired of sleeping alone."  
  
"So am I, Duo. I won't leave you alone again."   
  
end


End file.
